Pre-Owned Battleship — Lightly Used, Mostly Intimidating

Looking to stand out from the neighbors? Tired of HOA complaints about your “uninspired landscaping”? Solve both problems instantly with this absolutely reasonable, totally practical full-sized battleship.

Yes — an actual battleship.

Perfect for:

• Making dramatic entrances

• Winning arguments without raising your voice

• Hosting the world’s most unforgettable dinner parties

• Parking slightly off the coast “just for the summer”

Features include:

✔ Thousands of tons of confidence
✔ Historically proven ability to discourage uninvited guests
✔ Spacious deck for yoga, weddings, or aggressive sunbathing
✔ Enough storage to finally justify buying in bulk at Costco
✔ Turns every day into Fleet Week

Condition:
Previously loved. Some minor scuffs consistent with defending freedom. Adds character.

Fuel economy:
Let’s not ruin the magic by talking about that.

Shipping:
Free local pickup. Must bring your own crew.

FAQ

Q: Will this fit in my driveway?
A: Believe in yourself.

Q: Is this overkill?
A: There is no such thing.

Q: Do I need a license?
A: Only if you plan on getting caught.

Add to cart now — because nothing says “I’ve made it” like casually owning a battleship.